After skiing in Colorado, Astrid and I took *gulp* the Greyhound bus back to Salt Lake City. For those of you who have ridden the Greyhound, you'll understand my pain and frustration. This was my second attempt, and I can tell you that my first instincts were correct.

Salt Lake is only 12 hours away from Denver by bus. Hence, it made sense because it was an overnight bus and we couldn't get a flight that night anyway (also, Greyhound is much cheaper). First I must mention that there are parts of downtown Denver that are complete ghettos. Furthermore, I had several large bags full of really expensive gear, cameras, etc., and I wasn't keen on getting mugged. Obviously, the Greyhound station (as usual) sits in the middle of the ghetto. Miraculously we weren't robbed.

The bus was, however, 6 hours late in leaving. So we waited outside in the ghetto for 6 hours THROUGH THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT IN THE DEAD OF WINTER. The reason for the problem was the fact that the passengers on the connection apparently mutinied and wouldn't let the bus driver finish the route. I felt like killing every one of those cracked-out meth-abusing idiots.

We arrived in Salt Lake 6 hours late, much worse off, and downright pissed. I would complain to Greyhound about the trip, but what are they going to give me: credit towards another Greyhound ticket? No thanks.

Enough of that. Here are a variety of pictures of *some* of my family members. This is a New Year's dinner.

My two brothers Trent and Travis, seen pictured here, can both beat me up. Unfortunately I started the tradition of wrestling matches whenever I go home. Of course, these started when I was a much bigger (older) brother, and now I have to suffer the consequences until I die. Both were wrestlers, and Trent also studied Jiu Jitsu for a number of years. Some of those locks are really painful. Now Trent is a student up at Utah State University (in Logan), and Travis sells fine suits and shoes for men. He is quite the clothes connoisseur, but he'll be heading to Logan next fall as well. Ladies, both of these heroes are available, although I wouldn't suspect for very long.

Now what woman wouldn't want such a classy and mature guy like my brother Travis. Here's a handsome photo of him alongside my brother-in-law Jeremy (affectionately known as Jerome). Jeremy is a really great guy, married to my sister Autumn. A talented painter and musician, he even gave me one of his paintings that I had been lusting after. I have lovingly placed it on the wall directly behind me. This sounds like I have a non-sexual man-crush.

Here's the sister in question, Autumn. She's pregnant again, although I hear word that the baby just came, and is named Michael. I have no idea if these allegations are true.

These are my nieces, Jade and Saylor. There is a soft spot underneath this cold shell of a man, but I think that it is very small. My black heart is usually impervious to such tactics. For example, as a recent addition to my repertoire, I have taken to using what I call "negative conditioning" on these babies. It's all part of my larger study of the psychological makeup of the infant brain.

I took the budding family to the Utah Museum of Natural History on the University of Utah campus. There are a number of good dinosaur fossils there. This is true especially since Utah is one of the richest sources on Earth of dinosaur remains.

These two look alike

Saylor became a bit of a hell-raiser at the museum. I used the opportunity to use negative conditioning on her. She'll probably never want to visit a museum ever again.

Of course, following the ski trip to Colorado, I took advantage of the local skiing

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